Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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