You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
