He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
