The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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