You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
