maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
