covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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