I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
