Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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