dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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