I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
