I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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