So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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