"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
