I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
