So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
