she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
