I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
