Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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