Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
