I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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