You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
