i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
