I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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