Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
