I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
