He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
