Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
