I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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