The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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