I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if only i could text you this smell
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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