so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
