This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
