No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
