I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
