i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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