...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am naked and annoyed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
