There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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