FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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