The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
