Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
