OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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