i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
