Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my shit smells like andre
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
