you would pick up someone in the library
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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