Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
