I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
