My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
