Little spoons don't ask big questions
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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