she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
