he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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