my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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